Coast to Coast
by phoenixreal
Summary: Osamu Dazai lives a life many would consider a dream. He plays poker and travels the country. It's pretty simple, actually. But one night, he finds a person that needs someone almost as much as he does.
1. Chapter 1: Abandoned

Chapter One

Abandoned

It wasn't like he didn't know what to expect. Atsushi Nakajima knew what his place was, and it was usually at the feet of the man that owned him, Norman Mailer. Or Norm as everyone called him. He honestly had no idea how long he'd been with Norm other than it had been a long time since he had been at the orphanage. If someone told him that it had been five years, he wouldn't have been surprised. He'd barely been sixteen when this man had come to the orphanage to talk to the owner. He was an average looking man, tall, with short, curly brown hair and dark brown eyes. He wore a trench coat in tan over a suit. Atsushi made the mistake of catching his attention.

He'd never forget walking through the front and being snatched by the arm. He had held his arm in a vicelike grip and looked up at the owner.

"How much for this one?" Norm had asked.

The owner gave him a price, one that seemed to be agreeable to this strange man that was holding onto his arm. He was finally let go and tried to leave. The owner had stopped him, laughing, telling him he wasn't going anywhere but with this new man who had just bought him. He had tried to escape the room, only to find his way blocked by one of the other workers there. He had been a big man with beady, black eyes that took pleasure in their pain. Then he was being dragged from the orphanage by this man, not knowing who he was or what he wanted with him.

He quickly found out that his life with Norm would be worse than his time at he orphanage. At least there, the worst that happened was they got hit or something. Norm wanted him to dress in girl's clothes, an act that seemed to only fuel the man's anger. It wasn't long after he had been "bought" that he was introduced to the life he would soon lead. Norm would use him for his own pleasure, and if he was lucky, then beat him with something. If he wasn't lucky, there would be others there to take advantage of him.

Bruises became so common that he wondered what life was like without being bruised. He always hurt somewhere, and he lost the ability to tell what having a normal life was like. He'd always dreamed of the day he left the orphanage, the day he left the beatings and punishments behind him. He assumed once he was grown, he would be on his own, but now he didn't know what it was like to live for himself.

Norm enjoyed going to the festivals that happened in their area of New York. This year, he dressed Atsushi in a pink plaid skirt with suspenders on it. His hair hadn't been cut since he left the orphanage and hung in his eyes and down over his shoulders. Norm liked the color of it, one of the few things he ever complimented him on. He was allowed to wear a white long-sleeved shirt to cover the bruises that covered his arms and body.

He waited by the door, head down.

"Listen to me," Norm started and grabbed Atsushi by the arm tightly. Atsushi looked up at him, eyes wide. "You're going to be a good boy tonight. We're meeting my friends at a club, and you're gonna be nice to them, understand?" He shook Atsushi for emphasis. "Whatever they want, you are gonna be good and let them do as they please."

"Y-yes, sir," Atsushi stammered, looking at him and then looking down at the floor.

"You better 'yes, sir' me, boy." Norm threw him forward toward the door.

Atsushi knew better than to argue. Arguing would get him hit, and he didn't want to get hit right then. He walked behind Norm once they were outside, heading to his car. He crawled in the passenger seat and buckled the belt numbly. He knew that he wasn't feeling well today. He'd been coughing and dizzy headed all day. He couldn't tell Norm though. He would get mad if he was sick again. He'd just had a cold a couple weeks ago.

They arrived at the club before the sun went down. Norm led him to the front door where he gave their IDs to the man checking them. He paid the two cover charges and grabbed Atsushi by the arm and pushed him into the room. The DJ was already playing music, and there were a few people walking around. He didn't let go of him until they were at a table surrounded by sofas.

"Sit," Norm commanded, and Atsushi obeyed.

He folded his hands in his lap and waited as the other men showed up one by one. Finally, all four of them were there, and Norm pulled Atsushi up from the sofa and sat down. He then moved Atsushi to sit on his leg.

"Come on now, sit down here, boy," he said as he adjusted his leg under Atsushi. "That's a good boy, now," he smirked as he took a drink of something that smelled terrible, some sort of beer.

Atsushi hated when he drank. That meant more bruises by the next morning. He dropped his head and stared at his hands where they laid on Norm's knee.

"You gonna pass that boy around or are you gonna keep him for yerself?" one of the other men said with a laugh.

Norm shoved Atsushi off his lap and pushed him toward the other man. He stumbled a bit but caught himself as he was pulled down on this guy's lap. His hands slipped under the skirt and he jerked to feel his hands against the tops of his thighs. It wasn't like this was unusual; he just wanted to be anywhere but there at the moment.

"You put him in too much clothes this time, can't see his pretty bruises," the man holding him said, squeezing his thigh under the skirt.

"Well, take off that shirt he put on. He shoulda known that he wouldn't keep it," Norm commented as he took a long sip of hi beer.

"Huh, thinking yer better than ya are, huh?" he said and pulled the suspenders down his arms.

Atsushi had known this would probably happen, but he kind of hoped they would forget. He startled as his hands brushed against his sides while he pulled the shirt up and over his head. It got tossed to the floor under foot. Atsushi slipped his arms back under the suspenders, knowing that the skirt was a little too big for him without them. The man holding him helpfully pulled the suspenders back on his shoulders.

"He's got such pretty scars on his back," he said, stroking a finger over him.

Atsushi shivered and didn't say anything as he felt him tracing over the scars on his back. This guy would do that sometime, but he couldn't remember his name. He couldn't remember any of their names and honestly, they all looked the same to him even though they were four different men. They were Norm's friends, and to be obeyed just like Norm was. He gasped as the man next to him pulled him off the other man's lap onto his.

"I just finally got him old enough to come out to these places that serve alcohol," Norm said and grinned at him. "He's getting too old for my tastes though."

"Come on, really?" the man holding him said, sliding his hands down the outside of his arms. "After you done trained him so well?"

"What can I say, he was much more attractive when he was sixteen," Norm sighed, looking at him harshly for a moment.

"Yeah, I can see your point," one of the others, also drinking some kind of beer said.

Atsushi didn't know what to think of what Norm was saying. He didn't like him as much anymore? How could he say something like that? He shifted uncomfortably and jerked as his leg was grabbed hard enough that he could feel the fingernails digging into his skin.

"Damn shame they have to grow up, ain't it?"

"Might have to find a new boy. After all, can't have a boy if he's done turned into a man," Norm stated.

The man beside him snorted. "You think that boy will ever be a man? I don't think so. His pretty little face isn't the type to be a man. He'll stay someone's pussy boy forever, I imagine."

"Where'd ya get him anyway? Such a sweet young boy. You've had him a while now," quipped one on the other side of the table from him.

"Bought him out of an orphanage that was looking to get rid of some o'the older kids. Thought he fit my requirements nicely." Norm chuckled, and the others joined him.

Atsushi could feel how hot his face was, and he knew it wasn't from embarrassment this time. He was still feeling really dizzy and being passed around between these men didn't help that matter at all. He jerked as the man holding him slipped on hand down the back of the skirt. He swallowed hard and hoped that these guys wouldn't do anything here.

"Too bad this place has a no nudity rule," one of them said as he leaned back in the sofa. "Could put him to work if not."

"I'm rather tired of him lately, though," Norm said. "I picked him because I thought he was a girl at first."

"What is your thing with the girly boys?" the one sitting beside him said.

"They deserve what they get," Norm mumbled as he sipped his beer again.

"Give 'im here," the guy next to him said and grabbed him by the arm to yank him off the lap he was on.

Atsushi settled on this one's lap and he shoved both hands under the skirt and started to slide one between his legs. He automatically pulled his legs together as soon as he felt him trying to slide a hand up the leg of his underwear (also pink and lacy).

"Ha! He tries to close his legs like a little virgin girl," he laughed in his ear.

Face burning with embarrassment this time, Atsushi closed his eyes and stopped trying to put his legs together. He knew if he didn't cooperate he was going to get it when they got back home. He looked away and into the crowd and willed someone, anyone, to come and see that he was being treated like this in their midst. Of course, most of them just stared for a second as they passed by. He knew no one would think anything of a boy in a pink schoolgirl skirt in this place. He had seen far more feminine outfits on others in these places since he'd been going to them with Norm.

"So, are you just going to get rid of him?" he zeroed in on the conversation again, catching his breath.

"I wonder," Norm muttered, finishing another beer and standing to get another. He was starting to get a bit drunk, and Atsushi hated to see that because he would end up getting hit by him a lot tonight.

When he came back, Atsushi was really starting to worry because he kept looking at him weird. It was like he was deciding whether or not he was really worth his time. As much as Atsushi wanted someone to see what was happening, he didn't know what to do without Norm. He wanted to be treated nicely by him, and sometimes he was, and those were the best days.

"Come here," Norm said finally.

Atsushi got up off the lap he was currently on and went over to him. Norm put his hand against his face and then slapped him. "Yer starting to look more like a boy. I don't like it."

"I'm sorry, sir," he said, looking down. It wasn't like he could do anything about how he looked.

The other men started to leave, and Norm still stared at him. "Come on," he said roughly and got up. He pulled him along with him to the bathrooms.

Atsushi didn't know what to make of how Norm had been talking. He just went along and watched as he used the bathroom. Then he turned and looked at him.

"You know what, this is as good a place as any to do this. I'm finished with you. You have been a worthless leech on me for long enough, and I'm done taking care of your sorry ass. I'm leaving. Without you."

Atsushi's world just tumbled down around him. He blinked at Norm, the only constant in his life other than the orphanage he'd left. He didn't know how to react, so he said nothing as Norm turned and left him standing there beside the urinals. He watched him go, then started to panic because he wasn't sure what to do. He backed up and went around the side where the stalls were and leaned against the wall for a minute before he slid down it to sit on the floor. He'd be back. He wouldn't just leave him like that. This was some new game for him to scare Atsushi with. It had to be.

-oooooo-OOOOOO-oooooo-

Osamu Dazai was a man with an emptiness in his life. To fill that emptiness, he did things that were enjoyable, things that would make anyone happy. He was a professional poker player. While he played both live poker and electronic poker, his preference was to be face to face with his opponents. The best part of it was the strategy of it all. He traveled between casinos and right now was getting ready for a trip from the east coast to the west coast playing in as many stops in between as he could. He traveled with his manager, a straight-laced man named Doppo Kunikida, another strategist, Ranpo Edogawa, and a woman named Akiko Yosano. She was a doctor, but also served as his bodyguard.

He had just had a good run at one of the New York casinos and won top spot in the tournament along with the ample prize money. He figured it was a good start to the cross-country trip they were taking. He put on his coat and walked up toward the front of the bus.

Where are you headed?" Yosano asked from her position seated at the small table. She was cleaning her gun without much thought.

"Pride festival! Didn't you see the advertisement on the casino bulletin board? It's right around here." Dazai found his wallet and pocketed it.

"I should go with you," Yosano frowned, fingers deftly putting the pieces of the gun back together.

"Nah, I'll be fine. Ranpo and Kunikida are both already asleep, so I'm fine on my own. Come on, what is the worst that could happen?" Dazai asked with a smirk.

Yosano sighed and arched a brow at him. "You could get mugged. You could get killed. Need I go on?"

"I'm fine, I'm fine," he assured and stepped down out the door to the bus.

He paused and patted the side of it. It was a good thing they had opted to buy the bus rather than anything else. It slept four people and had a small refrigerator and table set with a decently sized bathroom for the type of transport it was. He hopped down to the ground, putting his hands in his pockets as he walked.

It didn't take long before he found his way to where some events had been going on earlier in the day. There were booths that were closed now, and the ground was littered with rainbow flags and beads. He smiled and looked around to see a few couples in the darker shadows of the area. He saw a guy that was still at his table, so he walked over to him.

"Say, if you're looking for something to do tonight, Club Black is having a special on drinks tonight!" he announced as Dazai got close.

"Club Black?" he asked, picking up the flyer. It looked like some sort of fetish club.

"Yes, indeed! Good fun, come as you are, or go decked out in gear, whatever strikes your fancy," the man said with a grin. He was an average looking gentleman, with brown hair that hung in strings down to his shoulders. He seemed to be in good spirits.

Dazai looked over the flyer and hummed to himself. That sounded interesting. And he was always looking for something interesting. He laid the flyer down and walked down the street toward the building that had a line to get into it. It wasn't very long, so he joined the queue to get into the place. Before long, he'd been ID'd and paid the cover charge to get into the place.

He looked around as he came into the front area. There were cages suspended from the ceiling in various points around the place. In those cages, scantily clad women danced to the thumping music that was being played by a DJ. He saw the DJ booth at the front of the place near the bar.

The people around him had various types of clothes on, he noted. Some of them were scant, others were in what would be called club wear. He saw several men and women wearing thick collars and being led by a leash of some sort. He saw there were some areas where there were sofas surrounding tables on the far side of the place along with some pub height tables and stools. He made his way toward the bar and ordered something nonalcoholic. He sipped the drink and headed toward an empty pub table on the other side.

He heard raucous laughter coming from one of the sofa areas nearby, and he glanced over. There were about five men seated on the sofas, and one of them held a boy on his lap that was wearing a plaid skirt with suspenders and nothing else. He cocked his head to the side and guessed that it wasn't that unusual. He looked around and found there were other interesting groups in the place, but then he heard a distressed sound from the boy at the sofas.

Dazai looked as though he were simply surveying the room even though his focus was on this skirt clad boy. He looked too young to be in a place like this, for one thing. For another, he realized that there were stark bruises on his pale skin. He had silvery hair pulled back in a tail at the base of his neck, and striking bright eyes. He was being pulled onto the lap of one of the other men and looked to be distressed by this change. Dazai frowned as he watched him be shifted to another person who was laughing. He watched this man slide his hands under the skirt the boy was wearing and he seemed to still, panting.

"Hey, sweetheart, you look lonely?" a woman with bright red lipstick and a black leather corset said.

"While you are quite fetching, I'm not looking for companionship tonight," he said with a tip of his glass in her direction.

She huffed a breath and turned away, muttering something about uptight men in a place like this. Dazai ignored her and returned to watching the boy.

He soon lost his view of him, though, as the place began to fill up with more and more patrons. He sighed and headed to the bar to get another drink. He swung around closer to the sofas that he had been watching, and saw that they were still there, passing the boy between them. He still looked like he was less than happy with these men manhandling him. As Dazai passed them, he got a better look at him. His face was flushed red and he had large bruises on his upper arms as though he were grabbed by his arms frequently. His back was a crisscrossing pattern of scars that stood out against his skin. He looked thin and his face was drawn.

Dazai passed the table and quickly lost sight of the boy as the crowd filled in around him. Still, his mind wouldn't leave him alone about it. He tried to convince himself that it was none of his business; that it didn't concern him. It wasn't working, though. Finally, he got up and pushed through the crowd again, only to find the group had left, and a couple of women were snuggled together on the sofa now. He sighed and looked around, completely unsure what to do now.

He finished his drink, realizing he needed to use the bathroom. He tossed out the plastic cup and headed toward the back through the crowd. He was impressed at how busy it had gotten since he came in the place. He made his way into the thankfully empty restroom. He was about done when he heard a sniffle. He zipped himself up and walked around the corner to see what, or rather who, had made that noise.

Around the corner, sitting on the dirty floor of the bathroom was the boy in the plaid skirt from earlier. He looked up at Dazai with teary eyes about to spill over. Dazai closed the distance in a few steps and knelt in front of him. He flinched back from him, crossing his arms over his chest tightly and Dazai felt the thumping of his heart in his ears.

"Are you alright?" he asked, hearing the bathroom door open and close again, admitting someone else.

The boy shook his head, tears starting to run down his cheeks. "He just left me here." His voice was soft and cracked when he spoke.

"Who left you here?" Dazai asked, hands folded on his knee where he had one propped up as he knelt on the other.

The boy swallowed convulsively for a moment. "N-Norm…m-my owner…"

"Owner?" Dazai didn't know if this was a consensual kink thing or not. After all, this was a fetish club. The boy could have been in a relationship with the guy, and the bruises could have been… No, he thought to himself. Those bruises weren't something consensual. Those bruises were abuse, no matter how he looked at it.

He nodded, eyes turning toward the floor. "H-he's all I've known since I left the orphanage…"

Dazai frowned. "How old are you?"

He shook his head. "I'm not sure anymore…"

"Come," Dazai couldn't believe he was doing this, but here he went. "Stand up. You can come with me."

"I-I shouldn't. You're a stranger…" he said softly, looking up at him with those strangely colored eyes of purplish gold.

"I know, but I can take you out of here," Dazai said and extended his hand toward the boy.

He stared at Dazai's hand for a long time. They heard the door open and close several times in that time and heard people in the bathroom. "O-okay," he said finally, taking Dazai's hand.

Dazai stood up, helping him get to his feet. He wobbled a little and stumbled as he tried to take a step. The boy didn't look well, Dazai thought as he put an arm around his shoulders and walked him out of the bathroom. No one paid them any attention as he left the place with him. He got him out in the night and could see that he was flushed still, and his breaths were wheezy.

"You have a name?" Dazai asked as they walked slowly in the direction of the bus.

"A-Atsushi," he stammered.

"I'm Dazai. And we'll get you some help. My friend is a doctor, and she can take a look at you." Dazai sighed, knowing Yosano would be annoyed at having another person on the bus. Kunikida was going to be irate. He imagined Ranpo wouldn't care either way.

They walked to the bus and Atsushi looked nervous. He supposed he couldn't blame him. The boy had been left alone in the middle of a club bathroom and now some strange man was taking him to a bus. Honestly, the fact that he hadn't run from him by now was a testament to him not feeling well. He leaned heavily into his grip as they came to the bus.

"Watch your step," he said as he guided him up the steps into the bus.

"I-I-I should g-go," Atsushi said finally, turning around and facing Dazai behind him. "I-I can't just..." He blinked and looked a bit pale. Dazai reached out in time to keep him from falling back down the steps. He sighed.

"Poor boy," he whispered to himself and managed to maneuver his body into the bus and to the table. He eased him into to seat where he just sat there limply.

Dazai sighed, not sure what to do with him now. He wasn't sure what he was thinking when he brought him out of that bathroom. He brushed the hair off his forehead and felt the warmth radiating from him. The boy was sick and needed to be cared for. He wondered again how old the boy was. People were supposed to be twenty-one to get into that club, so he had to be at least that, unless this Norm guy had snuck him in somehow. He doubted it, though They were checking the IDs of everyone that came into the place.

He heard someone and looked up to see Yosano standing there, looking at him. "What did you do?"

"I couldn't leave him there," Dazai said, straightening up and looking at her. "He's ill and he was left to fend for himself."

Yosano shook her head and leaned over, looking at the boy. She felt his face and opened one eye to look at him. He stirred a bit but didn't wake up. She felt his chest, and then leaned down to listen to him breathing.

"I think he's got a respiratory infection," she commented and stood back up. "He'll need antibiotics."

"Do we have any?" Dazai asked, hoping Yosano's well stocked medicine cabinet would be able to help them.

"I do. When he wakes up, tell me. I'm going to sleep now," she said with a wave of her hand.

Dazai sat down across from him and wondered if he was crazy for doing this. He didn't know. His life was good enough the way it was, so he had no idea why he wanted to go and complicate matters even more. He sighed, knowing he would do the same thing again, given the chance.


	2. Chapter 2: Pennsylvania

Chapter Two

Pennsylvania

The dream was a familiar one. He was standing alone being berated for how worthless he was. The people at the orphanage continually telling him that he was good for nothing, and he would never be anything when he grew up. He'd seen so many families come and take others away, but he was never picked. He wondered if he was looked over because of his strange hair and eye color. He supposed it was disconcerting to people when they first met him.

The world tilted and spun, and he was being dragged to a waiting car by this man he'd just met. This wasn't fair! This wasn't how he was supposed to leave the orphanage.

"You'll do just fine," the man chuckled as he shoved him into the passenger seat.

He thought about trying to get out and run, but he wasn't sure how far he would get. He didn't have that kind of stamina to run for very long. So, he sat there, quiet and unsure of what was going to happen to him now. He feared that it would be worse than the orphanage. He didn't know how right he was.

They were at a house and he was being pushed toward the door. The door loomed bigger and bigger until it was going to fill his vision. It was the only thing that existed as he was sucked through it into the house. He was in the house and being shoved again, towards another door. He stumbled into a bedroom and realized what kind of man he'd been sold to. He panicked, trying to run back out the door, only to be backhanded hard, landing on the floor. He couldn't stop the tears that came to his eyes as he watched this man, Norm, go to a closet and reach inside. He pulled out a garment and brought it over to him.

"Put this on."

That first day, he would never forget gasping in shock as he revealed a lacey dress. It looked around his size, but he just stared up at him until Norm had kicked him in the side, yelling at him to put this outfit on. He got up and slowly took off the dingy t-shirt he was wearing and the linen pants. He slipped the dress on over his head and stood there, red faced and not sure how to act.

"Good, good. Here. This should fit you," he said and held out something that looked satiny and lacy. He took it to find it was a pair of panties. He was shaking by now and just held them until he was hit again, then dragged to stand by the arm. "Put it on."

He'd done as he asked, slipping out of his worn underpants and into the lacy pair of women's underwear. He felt strange, dressed like a girl here in front of someone. He could still taste blood from where he'd been hit earlier.

"Now, you're my little sissy princess. Do you understand me? You'll dress as I tell you, and you'll do as I tell you. Got it?" he roared in his face.

"Y-yes," he had stammered, only to be slapped again. "Y-yes sir?" he asked.

"That's better." He smiled again. "Now come here, let's break in your pretty clothes."

He fought him the first time. He ended up nearly with a broken arm for his efforts. He was overpowered and pushed down and…

Atsushi came awake with a gasp, heart beating rapidly in his chest. He was confused about where he was for a minute, then remembered that he'd walked out of the place with some strange man. He started to panic a little as he was in a very closed in space, but it was open to his right. He was in some sort of bunk. He could hear voices, so he tried to control his breathing so he could listen.

"We should get there with time to spare." That was the man from the night before.

"What are we going to do with the boy?" A woman's voice. "His fever broke, and he's taken the antibiotics I gave him. He'll need to take another dose tomorrow and the next week." He'd taken something? He didn't remember that at all. He must have been sick if he lost time like this. The last thing he remembered clearly was sitting on the bathroom floor, waiting for Norm to come back.

"I'm looking forward to the fishing spots around there." Another guy's voice but sounded further away than the others.

"Wonder if there'll be anyone to compete with seriously at this one?" Another male voice. So there were three men and a woman.

He realized that they were also moving as the tires went over a couple bumps in the road. He was really worried now. He didn't know if these people were going to be worse than Norm. Norm… He still was having trouble believing that he'd just left him. He felt tears prick at his eyes and he didn't stop them. He had no idea why he was crying over Norm leaving him, but he was. Norm had been all he knew for the last few years, however long it had been.

"What's the name of the place again?"

"Mohegan Sun Pocono," came the woman's voice. "I should check on our patient."

He gasped, reaching up and wiping his eyes. A second later a woman with shorter black hair came into view beside him. She knelt by the bunk and Atsushi tried to look like he was asleep.

"I can tell you're awake, boy. Come on now, I need to know how you're feeling." She reached over and put a hand on his forehead. "Your fever broke finally. Should do some good to get moving around."

Atsushi blinked, locking eyes on her and swallowed noisily. She sighed, standing up. He carefully got himself out of the bunk and stood up, swaying a bit at the motion of whatever he was in. He followed her down to a place where there was a table with benches. He saw the man from the night before sitting there, and another man he didn't know. He looked up and saw that someone was driving this…whatever it was.

"Well, you look better than you did," the man from the night before said and smiled at him. "I'm Dazai in case you forgot. This is Ranpo," he said motioning to the other man. "And the doctor lady is Yosano. Driving is Kunikida, my manager. What's your name?"

"Atsushi," he said quietly, looking between them all. He looked down to realize he was in a pair of pajamas. He wasn't sure where they'd come from, but they were comfortable.

"Atsushi. Well, Atsushi, welcome to our bus. We're currently heading to Pennsylvania to our next stop," Dazai said with a broad grin. "Come, sit down here."

He swallowed and walked over to sit own on the bench beside Dazai. "Um, thank you for the clothes."

"Just an extra set of pajamas I had on hand." Dazai was sitting in the corner of the bench where it met the wall of the bus.

"Still, I um, don't know what to say," Atsushi stammered.

"Well, would you care to tell us about why you were left in that bathroom alone?" Dazai asked, tilting his head to the side.

Atsushi licked his lips thoughtfully and sighed. "I-I was left by Norm, the man I've been with for a while."

"Been with? From the look of it, he didn't care much about how he treated you. You're covered in bruises and scars. Why were you with him?" Dazai's voice was somewhat calming to him.

"H-he bought me from my orphanage when I was sixteen," he said quietly, looking down at his hands. "I've been with him ever since."

"Well, you had to be twenty-one to get in that club last night. I found an ID in the pocket of the skirt you were in. Is it a real ID or did he forge it for you?" Dazai asked, pushing the plastic card across the table.

"No, he had me go to get an ID. I remember because I had to wear different clothes than I normally had to wear…" Atsushi said as he picked up the ID. He remembered vividly being told not to make a fuss or else he'd be in trouble when he got back home.

"I take it what you normally wore was the kind of thing you were in last night," the woman said with an arched brow.

Atsushi nodded slowly. "Yeah, I had to wear skirts and stuff for him."

"All in all, he sounds like a bad person. I'll tell you what we'll do, then. When we get to the casino, I'll take you for dinner since you look like you could use a good meal." Dazai smiled and patted him on the back.

"I don't know if that's such a good idea," Yosano said, shaking her head a bit. "He's malnourished and probably can't eat that much."

"Ah, let the boy have a little fun. Even if he only eats a little, it will be good for him to get out and have real food. On here, we've only got the snacks." Dazai drummed his fingers on the table for a moment. "Are you hungry? We have some granola bars if you want something."

Atsushi looked at his hands and wasn't sure what to say. "Um, I guess…"

"Here," Yosano said and reached over to the cabinet to pull out a couple green packaged granola bars and put them on the table.

Picking it up, he swallowed a bit nervously. He felt like everyone was looking at him. He carefully opened the bar and started to nibble on it a little at a time.

"There, now. That'll hold you until we get to the casino!" Dazai said with a grin.

"Casino?" Atsushi asked, looking over at him.

"I play professional poker. There's a big tournament going on this weekend at the casino we're going to," Dazai explained.

"Oh," Atsushi said slowly. "So, why were you in that place last night?"

"Was looking for something interesting after the pride festival they held yesterday." Dazai reached out and took the other granola back and unwrapped it.

Kunikida snorted from the front. "Surprised you didn't get in trouble. You like to go overboard with the nightlife."

"I wouldn't say he completely avoided trouble. He did bring back a random person," Ranpo commented with an arched brow toward Atsushi.

Dazai looked abashed. "I have never brought someone back to the bus before!"

Yosano shook her head. "At least it wasn't as bad as the incident at Key West Fantasy Fest a few years ago…"

Dazai fixed her with glare, smile fading. "Don't bring that up."

Atsushi wondered what could have happened to make Dazai's attitude change so suddenly. He continued to eat his granola bar, feeling a bit awkward now that something had change the atmosphere.

Ranpo cleared his throat. "Well, when we get to next one, I'm going to stick with the arcades. Those escape rooms are way too easy."

"Don't you beat their high scores all the time?" Yosano asked, looking away from Dazai.

"Yeah, but they get so boring when they're so easy," Ranpo explained with a sigh.

Dazai smiled suddenly. "Kunikida, stop at the next mall you see. Atsushi needs some clothes. I imagine he doesn't want to walk around all the time in my pajamas."

"Alright," Kunikida said as he punched something into the GPS. "We're not far from one."

"I can't ask you to buy me clothes," Atsushi said, and looked over at him.

"You aren't asking, I'm offering," Dazai said with a grin. "If you're going to travel with us, you have to have something decent to wear."

Atsushi looked down at his hands where he still held the wrapper of the granola bar. He didn't know what to say and he wasn't sure what to do. Dazai put an arm around his shoulders, startling him a little.

"Don't worry about it," Yosano told him. "He's got the money to spare for something like that."

Atsushi looked at him again. "Do you really do so well that you can afford to just help some random person?"

"Of course. I'm good, so there's little to worry about. I'll win the prize money without fail." Dazai smirked and looked over at Yosano.

She nodded. "I wish I could say he was overstating things, but he's not."

"Coming up on a mall. Called the Wyoming Valley Mall. Odd in Pennsylvania," Kunikida piped up from the front.

"Oh, good," Dazai said as he stood up. "Let's put you in some regular clothes before we go in!"

A few minutes later, they were parked, and Atsushi was wearing a set of Dazai's clothes. He had to roll up the pants a bit as well as the sleeves since Dazai was quite a bit taller than he was. They had all decided to go into the mall for some shopping. Atsushi found out that they often made stops like this because Yosano especially loved to shop at different places.

Once they got into the store, Atsushi wasn't sure what to get. He hadn't bought clothes for himself really ever. Before Norm, the orphanage put him in clothes.

"What kind of thing do you like?" Dazai asked as they walked down the main aisles toward the clothing sections.

"Um, I'm not sure what I like," he said as they passed the women's section. He couldn't help but have his attention drawn toward some of the pretty shirts that were displayed. He pushed that interest back. He wasn't supposed to like the girls' clothes. Norm made him wear that sort of thing, and he wasn't supposed to like it. He did, though…

"Here we go," Dazai commented as they entered the men's section of the store. "We should get you at least two or three full changes of clothes."

Atsushi wasn't picky, but he found Dazai was. He went through several racks before he found him anything that would work. He made him try on several other outfits before they settled on something that Dazai liked him in. He felt a little like he was being chosen clothes again, only now they were different kinds of clothes. At least in these he wouldn't feel like he was on display like with what Norm had dressed him in.

After about three hours, they walked back out of the store with several t-shirts, a couple sets of shorts, and three pair of jeans. Dazai seemed pleased with the clothes they had picked out and Atsushi was glad. He wouldn't have complained even if he didn't like them, though, because it was very nice of him to buy these new clothes for him.

-oooooo-OOOOOO-oooooo-

Atsushi had never been to a casino, so when they pulled into the parking lot of the place he was astounded by the size of it. All the lights were mesmerizing, too. He just stared out the bus window at everything.

"Not a bad looking place," Dazai said from beside him.

"Not a bad looking place?" Atsushi repeated. "This is amazing!"

"Wait until we get to Las Vegas, my boy," Dazai smirked and turned back toward the front of the bus.

"Alright," Kunikida said as he turned around to look behind him. "The tourney starts in the morning, so tonight we can relax. I've only reserved our usual four rooms at the hotel. Atsushi will have to stay with one of us."

"He can stay in my room. I probably won't sleep much," Dazai pointed out as he shrugged into his tan trench coat.

"I'm starving, hope they have a good buffet at this place!" Ranpo commented as he stood up and stretched.

Yosano shook her head as she pulled on her shoes. "All you boys think about is the food."

Atsushi wasn't sure what to do with himself while everyone got ready to go out to the casino. Everyone grabbed a small bag and seemed to be taking a change of clothes with them. He nervously picked up his ID and looked at it. He resembled like the picture now with his hair pulled back out of his face and regular clothes. He was glad that he wasn't in a skirt for once in his life. He jerked when Dazai put a hand on his shoulder.

"Ah, sorry," he muttered.

"Come on, let's go have a nice meal," Dazai patted him on the back lightly.

They got out and all headed toward the casino. Atsushi followed behind the group. He was feeling slightly out of place among them. They had come to these types of places before many times, and this would be his first time being in such a big place since meeting them. He couldn't help but be nervous and worried about it. What would this place be like on the inside? What would happen?

"Atsushi!" Dazai called out, stopping to look back at him. "Up here, come on, now."

Atsushi nodded and jogged to catch up with Dazai. "Um, okay."

Dazai put an arm around Atsushi's shoulders and steered him into the place. He'd never seen anything like it. He just stared at everything around him as they came into the place. It was such a beautiful building. He just allowed himself to be led easily by Dazai as the others walked behind them. They came into the front of the buffet area and the smell of the food hit them. Atsushi could see the bars there filled with food. It was more than he'd ever seen in one place. He swallowed convulsively as a wave of nausea hit him.

"You okay?" Dazai said when he stopped walking.

"Um, yeah, just there's a lot of smells," Atsushi explained, smiling wanly at him.

Dazai nodded, leading him to the register where he paid for everyone. Atsushi arched a brow at how much it all cost. Dazai didn't seem phased by it at all. He led them through and grabbed their cups for drinks, then set them down at a table big enough for everyone.

"Now, let's find you some easy on the stomach foods in here," Dazai remarked and patted Atsushi on the back. "Don't worry about trying to eat a lot, just eat until you're full."

Dazai walked around with him and helped him pick out some good things that were easy to digest. Atsushi appreciated the help because he had no idea what was good to get for him. He was amazed by the amount of food in the place. It was almost overwhelming.

"We came at a good time," Dazai noted. "Not too busy."

For that, Atsushi was glad. Before long they'd all sat down with a plate of food and started to eat. Atsushi couldn't help but watch everyone else a little bit. He ate slowly, though, because he knew he wouldn't be able to eat very much. The food was really good though. He very nearly ate his plate full. Dazai left to get more and came back with a bunch of crab legs and two stuffed crabs. Atsushi guessed he liked crab a lot.

They chatted around him as they ate, talking about the poker tournament and their strategies for the next day. By the way they talked, they obviously knew very well what they were doing. He couldn't add much to the conversation as the only poker he'd seen played was by Norm and his friends. He was beginning to realize that this professional poker playing was a lot more serious than that. By the time they had all finished eating, it was getting busier in the place.

"Let's get out of here before the crowd really fills in the place," Dazai suggested as they got up to leave. "The hotel is right nearby; we can walk to it."

Atsushi followed as they all found their way to an opulent looking hotel. Atsushi had never been in anything so nice. He just followed along as Dazai checked in and got the card key for the room. The others did the same after him.

"Come on now, Atsushi. Let's get some rest before tomorrow! Big day after all," Dazai commented and put an arm around him.

They headed to the elevator and went up to the floor the room was on. Atsushi still couldn't believe how big and beautiful this place was. They got to a door and Dazai opened it, gesturing for him to go on into the room. He did and found the room as lovely as the rest of the place. Dazai dropped the bag he was carrying to the floor and sighed.

"You can take the bed; I won't sleep for a while," Dazai said as he fell into an arm chair that sat beside the double bed.

"Don't you need to rest up before tomorrow?" Atsushi asked nervously. He didn't want to be the reason that Dazai wasn't rested for the tournament.

"I'll be fine," he said and stretched his arms up over his head. "I don't sleep a lot before these things. You go on to sleep."

Atsushi still wasn't sure, but he did what Dazai said. He kicked off his shoes beside the bed and pulled down the covers. He slid down into the warm bed and sighed. It was by far the most comfortable thing he'd ever laid in. It didn't take long for him to fall asleep. He'd thought it would take more time, but he still wasn't feeling well, and his stomach was, for once, full.

He blinked slowly as he heard a song going off far away. He sat up, realizing that Dazai had eventually laid down in the bed to sleep, and the song going off was his phone alarm. Dazai sat up beside him and reached for the phone on the side table.

"Morning already," he muttered and stood up. He glanced over at Atsushi. "I'll shower first, then you can have it. After you're done, we'll go down for breakfast."

Dazai got up and grabbed his bag. He disappeared into the bathroom, and a few minutes later, Atsushi heard the water start running. He laid back in the bed and realized he hadn't dreamed at all the night before. He thought that was a very good thing.

-oooooo-OOOOOO-oooooo-

After everyone had showered, dressed, had breakfast, and put their bags out in the bus again, it was time to get ready for the tournament. They walked into the foyer of the casino where the line was forming to go through to the floor. Dazai was one minute talking animatedly about the casino, then he went completely silent and was staring at something. Atsushi looked at where he was staring and saw a group of three walking toward them.

The one in the front was a man in a black coat that billowed out behind him. He had hair that was black with two pieces of white that came down on either side of his face. Behind him was what looked like a young person holding a doll clutched in their arms with hair that was split down the center, black on one side and white on the other. They were wearing a pair of shorts and a simple shirt. Beside them was another man with strikingly red hair, wearing a hat and a choker necklace that looked more like a collar. He had an overcoat draped on his shoulders and was glaring directly at Dazai.

"So you're here," the first man in black said with a blank look on his face.

Atsushi wasn't sure what to do so he just stood back a little with the others and tried not to look like he was staring.

"Yes, I am," Dazai spoke with such an apathetic tone that Atsushi couldn't believe it was him talking for a second. "And so are you."

The man in the black coat snorted and looked away into the crowd. "I see you added a mutt to your pack of strays."

Dazai glanced at Atsushi and back to this man. "This is Atsushi. How have you been, Akutagawa?"

"Just fine. Winning, of course, you know that already," he said, hands in the pockets of his pants.

Atsushi couldn't help but notice the redheaded one was glaring daggers at Dazai still, not even looking at any of the others. Dazai appeared to be ignoring his stare completely, though, and was looking only at the man he was talking to.

Dazai suddenly smiled. "Well, I did teach you how to play. You would be able to win against the rabble."

Atsushi felt decidedly uncomfortable. Just the whole atmosphere around this group was so thick it was palatable. He glanced behind him to see that Ranpo had already taken off on his own. Kunikida was looking down and away from the group, while Yosano looked peeved by their appearance. Atsushi waited as an awkward silence followed.

"I see you are still traveling with _them_." Dazai looked away, fake smile fading from his lips.

Akutagawa glanced behind him at the other two. The younger one was holding up the stuffed doll and looking at it. They didn't seem to be paying an attention to the scene going on in front of them. The redheaded man practically growled and turned his head away from Dazai.

"Come, Chūya," Akutagawa said, motioning to the redhead. "We should find a good spot for you and Yumeno to watch from."

He turned on his heel and walked over toward the area around the outside bar where TVs were set up overhead showing the floor where the poker tournament was setting up. Dazai stood still for a while, not saying anything, just watching where they had gone. Then he turned and smiled brightly at Atsushi.

"Let's get out on the casino floor," he chirped and grabbed Atsushi's wrist to pull him toward the check in.

In short order, they had all been IDed and set up to go onto the casino floor. As they got out there, Dazai pointed to the place where the poker tables had been cordoned off.

"I'll see you after the matches," Kunikida said and nodded toward him. "I'll go get myself a drink while you play."

Dazai nodded. "Atsushi, do you want to go with Kunikida to the bar or stay with Yosano while she waits for me?"

"Um…" he stammered, glancing between the two. "I'll stay, I think. Not like I have any money for anything anyway," he coughed lightly and cleared his throat.

"Very well, then." Dazai led the way to the registration where he got checked in. The tournament was set to start in fifteen minutes.

Yosano took a seat just outside the cordoned off area in one of a few seats that were there. There were some other people sitting there already, but there were enough empty seats that Atsushi could sit beside Yosano. He took a wheezy deep breath and exhaled slowly. He hoped he didn't have to cough when everyone was quiet; that would be so embarrassing. He glanced over at Yosano.

"Um, so you guys knew those people, huh?" he asked. He figured if he wanted an answer he was more likely to get it from Yosano than from Dazai.

Yosano sighed and looked at him. "They used to be companions to Dazai from before he started traveling with us."

"Did he really teach that other guy how to play?" he wondered. If he did, that meant he had to be good since Dazai was so good.

"He did, but don't bring it up with him. He doesn't like to talk about them. It will be difficult if they're traveling a similar route to Vegas as we are…" she trailed off and looked up at the boards where the games were about to begin. "It doesn't matter, though. Try and keep quiet while he plays. He may have a tougher time if he has to face Akutagawa."

Atsushi nodded. He soon figured out that it was boring watching poker because he had no idea how to play it. He thought he might have been able to follow things better if he'd been aware of how to play. He did try, though. He noticed that Dazai moved up through the ranks quickly. He really was good at what he did. By the time the end was approaching, he saw that Dazai and Akutagawa were in the top five with Dazai just slightly behind the other man. They were on the last round and he wondered who would come out on top.

It turned out neither of them did. One of their competitors ended up getting a straight flush on the last hand. They had been neck and neck throughout the entire game. Dazai still came in the top three, second, with Akutagawa an extremely close third. Dazai looked pleased with himself as he came out of the area and approached where Yosano and Atsushi were sitting.

"Not as well as I'd like, but the cards weren't in my favor at the end," Dazai explained with a grin. "But I beat Akutagawa, so I deem it a successful tourney."

Atsushi and Yosano got up and followed him as he went over to the bar where Kunikida was sitting. He stood up as they got near. "Not a bad showing for yourself. Care to do any other gambling before we go?"

Dazai shook his head. "No, I'd rather get out of here as soon as I can," he said, eye twitching just slightly as he spoke.

"Go collect, and I'll bring the bus up to the front. I'll call Ranpo on my way," Kunikida turned and waved at the bartender. "Close me out," he told him, waiting for a second and the bartender handed over his card and a receipt.

"Why don't you walk out to the bus with Kunikida, Atsushi? There's going to be a crowd and you're looking a bit pale. You might have over exerted yourself." Dazai patted him on the back and gently pushed him toward the blond.

"Oh, alright," Atsushi mumbled, stumbling over his feet as he followed along.

Kunikida was quiet as they headed to the bus. Once there, he picked up his phone and called Ranpo, Atsushi was guessing. He talked for a second as he got the bus started up. Atsushi sat down at the little table and wondered at what was becoming his life. He swallowed down a fear about the unknown. Anything was better than the orphanage and Norm, so what was he worried about?


	3. Chapter 3: Ohio

Atsushi was glad that he was feeling better. The sickness, a respiratory infection Yosano had said, was gone and he was able to breathe well and not get dizzy. As the bus rolled down the road, he sat at the small table while Dazai slept for a while. Around him, Ranpo and Kunikida discussed their next destination: Cleveland, Ohio.

"You know, the Cuyahoga River caught fire once," Ranpo said with a smirk.

"Oh yeah? Why'd that happen?" Kunikida asked as he drove.

"It got that polluted," he said.

Atsushi was only sort of listening. He was considering the situation more than anything. Just a short while ago he was living the life he'd come to know with Norm. Five years of being with him had molded much about how he saw the world, and himself. He found himself missing the clothes, though. He didn't mind the new clothes that Dazai bought him, but he felt like his style was different than that if he had chosen for himself instead of letting him do everything for him. It wasn't like he had much to say about it because it was Dazai's money that paid for the clothes.

To be honest, he was waiting for Dazai, or someone, to expect something out of him. It was the way his mind worked, and he had learned to serve someone for so long. To be allowed to be on his own was strange to him, and he waited, somewhat impatiently, for someone to tell him what was expected of him.

"I'm thinking of going fishing," Kunikida said.

"You always go fishing," Ranpo scoffed, turning toward Atsushi. "What do you think Atsushi? Isn't he boring since all he does is fish?"

Atsushi stared at him for a second. "Um, well, if that's what he likes to do…" he said.

"Pfft," Ranpo said with a dismissive wave of his hand. "Boring! All you do is sit there and wait. Might as well call it sit and wait instead of fishing because that's all you do."

"It's relaxing," Kunikida told him. "But I would visit the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, if it had some of the bands I liked in it."

Atsushi didn't say anything, but he wondered exactly what kind of bands Kunikida liked. He listened to the talk for a little while longer until he heard motion and saw Dazai coming out of the bunks. Atsushi scooted over on the bench and found that he fell into the seat right beside him without a word. He yawned and looked over at him, then Ranpo.

"Been having a good talk?" he asked.

"We were just discussing what we were planning to do in Cleveland," Ranpo said with a smile.

"Kunikida is going fishing, again." Ranpo rolled his eyes and then shook his head.

"What about you, Atsushi?" Dazai asked him, giving him a smile.

Atsushi didn't know what to say. "Um, I really don't know. I've never been able to decide what I want to do before."

Dazai nodded. "Well, what do you think of staying with us so far?" he asked.

Atsushi paused, thinking that over, and wondering what exactly he would tell them. It was weird for him, not having to do what someone else told him to do all the time, and having freedom was odd. "Uh, I like it, I mean, I'm still getting used to being here," he said, looking down at his hands.

"Well, it has to be better than being with that horrible man you were with," Ranpo commented, sniffing a little. "No one needs to be treated that poorly."

Atsushi looked at him and smiled. He was glad that these people were so nice to him despite what he was used to. It was so bizarre to him to be treated this way. He wondered if everyone was treated like this by people normally. He knew that the others treated each other the same way they treated him so it had to be the normal thing to do.

"You okay?" Dazai asked when he was quiet for a few moments.

"Um, yeah, just thinking. I like you all, it's just weird not to be told what to do by someone all the time," he admitted.

Kunikida glanced back at him, worrying a bit for the state of Atsushi's mind. Yosano came out just then, looking around before she sat down by Ranpo.

"Anything going on?" she asked.

"Not much, was just asking Atsushi how he liked being with us," Dazai said, smiling toward Atsushi again.

"Oh?" she said, glancing at him.

"Yeah, I was just saying it's hard to know how to act sometimes because I got so used to Norm and how things went with him," Atsushi said with a shrug. "I guess you can get used to anything if you have to," he said, feeling a little on the spot about the subject.

Dazai seemed to notice that he was feeling a bit odd, so he changed the subject. "I wonder if there will be any real competition in Cleveland."

"As long as Akutagawa doesn't go that direction, I doubt it," Ranpo commented.

"How do you know that guy anyway?" Atsushi asked, looking at Dazai.

"Akutagawa?" Dazai asked, turning to him.

"Yeah, you seemed to know him pretty well," Atsushi said.

Dazai contemplated that for a second and sighed. "I taught him how to play," he said.

"Really?" Atsushi said. "And now he's as good as you are?"

Dazai smirked. "Seems I taught him to play too well in the end," he told him. "It didn't take him very long to get to the same level as me. He was a natural."

"Wow, that has to be strange," Atsushi said as he thought about it.

"Wouldn't be so strange if he wasn't so cocky about it," Yosano pointed out.

They were all quiet for a bit until Atsushi spoke up again. "Why'd you get into playing poker anyway?"

Dazai looked up, obviously a little thrown off by the question. "Well, I just liked it more than other, more physical, pursuits, think," he said finally. "I didn't find myself interested in many things, so I found poker to be engaging and interesting. I don't have a lot of things that are really that kind of enjoyable to me," he explained.

Atsushi nodded. "I see. I bet it's just fun, too."

Dazai smirked at him. "Yeah, it's just fun for me. I like being able to beat everyone else, I must admit."

"Of course, you do," Ranpo said, shaking his head. "That's what makes you the best at what you do."

"We've got about fifteen minutes until Cleveland," Kunikida said from the front.

"Oh, alright, I'll get ready. The tourney starts at seven in the morning, so we'll stay at the hotel tonight," Dazai said as he got up from the small table.

Atsushi watched him go in the back and again wondered about him. He was curious but wasn't sure how to question him about a lot of things. He didn't know how much Dazai would tell him if he did ask, either. He just knew that he wanted to know more about him. He watched after him long enough that he realized Yosano was staring at him and he turned back and looked at his hands.

-oooooo-OOOOOO-oooooo-

Jack Cleveland Casino was another huge place. It sat on the corner of two roads and was simply massive from the outside with the huge word "JACK" right down the corner of the building. This time the hotel wasn't a part of the casino, but it was attached to it. Dazai got them all checked in, again letting Atsushi stay in his room. Atsushi didn't say anything about it because he was the one taking advantage of Dazai's kindness. He did notice Yosano and Kunikida exchange a look at the fact he was still staying in the same room with Dazai.

Once again, Atsushi thought the whole hotel was opulent and beautiful. He still couldn't get over the place and stared at things frequently.

"You know, you should start to get used to this," Dazai told him as they set their bags down in the room. "This is just normal for us."

Atsushi turned and looked at him. "I know, but it is so different from anything I ever saw with Norm," he said, looking around again. "I mean, there were hotels, but they were nothing like this."

"I see," Dazai commented, frowning a little. "Probably not good places to stay for long."

Atsushi flopped onto the bed, smiling at how comfortable it was. He sighed and snuggled into the covers and he heard Dazai chuckle. He looked over at him and saw him just watching him.

"What?" Atsushi asked.

"Nothing. It's just…refreshing to watch you enjoy such small things so very much," he said. "Sometimes I forget to enjoy the little things, like a freshly made bed with clean linens."

Atsushi felt his cheeks flush and turned away from him, not wanting Dazai to see that he was embarrassed at his words. He instead buried himself in the comforter and smelled the soap that they used to wash the linens with. It didn't really have a smell that he could identify other than _clean_.

"What did he make you do?" Dazai asked, sitting beside Atsushi on the bed.

Atsushi uncovered his eyes and stared at Dazai, seeing his face was serious. "Um, lots of stuff."

"What do you mean by that, exactly?"

Swallowing a bit, Atsushi looked at Dazai and he wondered why he wanted to know. Was he going to make him do those things for him? He liked Dazai more than he had liked Norm, so it wouldn't be that bad if he did, after all, he owed Dazai so much, he couldn't deny him whatever he asked of him.

"Um, well, he liked to put me in girly clothes. That I didn't mind so much." He paused, looking at Dazai for a minute and wondering how truthful to be. "I kinda like the clothes he got for me to wear and I still kinda miss them."

Dazai frowned a little. "Why did he want you to dress like that?"

Atsushi sighed, running a hand over his white hair softly. "H-he said that it made him angry to see me like that. That people like me deserved to be hurt by people like him. So, he did. He liked to hold me down while he did, well, you know." He paused, looking away because talking about it was a little awkward to him. "I mean, I was completely his, to do with as he wanted, you know. So, he could do whatever he wanted with me."

"He didn't own you," Dazai said after a minute of sitting there quietly. "What he did, it was wrong, all of it. Taking you away so young and making you do things you didn't want to do… He had no right to do those things to you."

"But it was okay some of the time. I mean, when he was nice to me, I didn't mind it, too much. It was just when he was mean and hurt me that I didn't like it," Atsushi said, looking a bit lost as he spoke.

Dazai was quiet again for a moment. "That didn't make it right. We can learn to like even the vilest thing in the world under the right conditions. Forcing you into sex at such a young age alone was wrong. You weren't ready for that."

"So, it's bad? Everything he did?" Atsushi asked, frowning and confused by everything right then. "Even the parts I liked are bad? Wearing the pretty clothes? And the times things felt good?"

"No, he was a bad person. He did things to you without your permission and he hurt you just because he wanted to. Things like the clothes you wore and when things felt good to you aren't bad. Just the reason you were forced into them. That's the problem, that he forced you into it. People can do plenty of things that are good feeling but only when they both agree to it," Dazai explained to him.

Atsushi thought he understood, but it was all a bit confusing to him as well. "I just miss him, you know, but at the same time I'm scared he'll come back."

"That's okay, but you need to know that you're free of him now. You get to make your own choices, no matter what those choices are," Dazai told him.

Atsushi looked at him with wide, vibrantly glittering eyes. "But I don't know what to decide. How do I know what to do?"

"It'll take time, that's all," Dazai said with a gentle smile. "You just have to be used to being your own person and not just existing for someone else's pleasure and whims."

"What do I do, though? Where do I go? I don't have any education, really. I wasn't able to go to school. I was good for only one thing, he said."

"That's not true. You are good for a great many things, not just one man's perverted pleasures. He took something very precious from you, and I know that you will never get it back. It doesn't mean you can't heal from what he's done to you, though," Dazai said.

Atsushi sighed and snuggled into the covers a bit more before he said anything else. "But was it love? Sometimes, he said he loved me. But other times he said he hated me."

"I don't think that was love," Dazai said with a deep sigh. "I'm not the best one to ask on the subject, but true love doesn't hurt like that. He loved the power and control he had over another person, not you."

"I guess that's true," Atsushi said as he thought about it. "He said I didn't deserve happiness. I don't know why he said that, he just did. I never understood what happiness was, though, not until I started staying with you."

Dazai made a slight gasping sound but recovered smoothly. "Oh? You are happy with us?"

"Happier than I've ever been. Even before Norm, I was unhappy at the orphanage, so it didn't change much with Norm, you know. It just became normal. That was all," he said with a shrug.

"Well, as long as you're happy now," Dazai said. "Now, you should sleep. I'll be up for a while longer getting ready for in the morning. Maybe now when we eat, you'll be able to eat more than before and enjoy it better."

"Thank you, Dazai," Atsushi said as he got under the covers so that he could go to sleep.

He didn't know what he was feeling as he faded off to sleep, only that he was feeling a lot of things and he didn't understand any of them. He figured he'd figure it out the next day if he could, and if he couldn't, he'd just let it be. What else was there for him to do?

-oooooo-OOOOOO-oooooo-

Dazai woke up early the next morning and looked over in the bed to see Atsushi was still sleeping. He smiled a little to himself. It as good that he could rest. He was still thinking over all the things that they'd talked about the day before, but he had to put that away now. He had the tourney to worry about today. Thinking about Atsushi would have to be something he did afterward. He got up and took a shower and got ready before he woke him up, though, allowing him to sleep longer.

Finally, when he was done, he shook him awake. "Atsushi?"

"Hmm, is it morning already?" he mumbled as he turned toward him.

Dazai took a quick breath, feeling a sensation wash over him. Was it simply that he wanted to look out for Atsushi? Or was it something more than that? He cleared his throat, shaking his head.

"Yes, time to get ready," he said with a soft grin.

Atsushi sleepily rubbed his eyes and got up to go to the bathroom, leaving Dazai to watch after him. Dazai sat down at the desk and played with a deck of cards. He cut them and did a few slight of hand tricks with the cards until he sensed he was being watched. He looked up to see Atsushi.

"You're good with cards," he said. "That's really amazing."

"I practice a lot," he said with a smirk.

"Is it time to go?" he asked.

Dazai checked the time and nodded. "Yeah, we should be going."

They headed down and had breakfast. While they were eating, Kunikida, Ranpo, and Yosano all came down as well. Everyone looked a little tired, but they were all chatting about their plans for the day. As they were sitting there, Dazai noticed that Akutagawa and his group had come to Ohio. He sighed, eyes locking across the room on Chūya and he noticed that they had Gin with them. They walked toward them and Dazai sighed.

"I see you're here too," Akutagawa said.

"Yes, so it would seem," Dazai said.

Beside him, Atsushi was watching with wide eye. Dazai knew he was curious about the relationships he had with these people, but there was a lot there, and he wasn't quite ready to unpack everything to do with that. Atsushi was staring at Gin.

"Atsushi, this is Gin Akutagawa," he said, gesturing to her. "She's Akutagawa's sister. She travels with them now and then."

She was wearing a black outfit with a mask over her face. She just kind of stared at him. Dazai wondered why she hadn't been with them when they were at the last tourney. He wouldn't bother with that, though, he needed to concentrate on the coming events. Who Akutagawa traveled with wasn't any of his concern after all.

Akutagawa snorted. "I'll beat you today."

"We'll see about that," Dazai said with a broad smile.

The group walked off, leaving them alone once again. Dazai watched after them for a few minutes until Atsushi spoke up.

"You really don't get along with them anymore, do you?" he asked.

"No, but it's just as well—"

Dazai stopped because Atsushi had frozen. He was staring into the crowd, eyes wide and fixed. He was barely breathing. "Atsushi?"

"I thought—I thought I saw him," he panted, still staring into the crowd. "Norm. I thought I saw him and he was coming toward me and I couldn't even think…" he said softly, eyes still staring into the crowd.

Dazai turned around but didn't see anyone that looked like the awful man Atsushi had been with. He turned back to Atsushi. He was pale and sweating and it was obvious he was panicking.

"I can't… I have to go. I can't stay here," he said and stood up.

"Whoa, wait a minute. I know, why don't you go fishing with Kunikida?" Dazai said, putting a hand on him.

Atsushi looked over at Kunikida who had turned and was glaring at Dazai. "Um, yeah, I guess I could take him."

"Okay, please, I have to get out of here," he said desperately.

"I was about ready to go anyway," Kunikida said and put down his napkin and stood up. "Come on, let's go so I can rent a boat," he said.

Dazai watched them leave and turned back to the crowd. He scanned it several times before Yosano spoke up.

"Do you think he saw him for real?" she asked.

Dazai shook his head. "He's still in New York. There's no reason for him to be in Ohio. He just thought he saw him. Someone that maybe looked like him."

"He could have followed us," Ranpo pointed out.

Dazai took his eyes off the crowd and looked at him. "We'll just keep an eye out on it, and hopefully it doesn't happen again."

"Hopefully, I don't know how well his mental health is going to hold up if he keeps thinking he sees him," Yosano said as she folded her hands on the table.

Dazai looked into the crowd again. Would he have followed them? Was the man that obsessed with Atsushi?

-oooooo-OOOOOO-oooooo-

Atsushi couldn't shake the strange feeling of being watched until they were nearly to the lake where they were going to be fishing. He'd never felt so vulnerable and out in the open before. To think that Norm could actually be nearby was absolutely crushing. He felt a bit better after they had rented a boat and he helped Kunikida with his fishing gear.

"So, have you ever gone fishing before?" Kunikida asked as they pushed away from the shore.

"No, I never have. I really haven't done much, I guess," he said with a shrug. "It's really pretty out here."

"Yeah, I think it's relaxing. Considering how hectic our lives can get following Dazai around, it's nice to have a few minutes to just do nothing, you know," Kunikida said as they got into what must have been a good position for fishing.

For a while they were quiet, and Atsushi kind of enjoyed the silence with no expectations placed on him. Then he became curious about Kunikida.

"What did you do before you started traveling with Dazai?" he asked.

He looked over and smiled. "Oh, I was a teaching assistant at a college. Math classes, mostly," he said as he reeled in a small fish he'd caught. He showed Atsushi then released it back into the water.

"Really?" Atsushi asked. "I never got to finish school. I went to school at the orphanage, but when Norm took me, he didn't let me go to school anymore. I guess I'll never make anything of myself because of that."

"Don't say that, my boy," Kunikida said kindly. "You can always make something of yourself, no matter where you come from. It will just take a little work, but you can get your diploma and maybe even go to college one of these days."

"You think so?" he asked, looking at him with wide eyes.

"I know so. Just have to work at it, that's all. You're smart; you'll do just fine."

Atsushi smiled and was quiet again. Kunikida caught a couple more fish, including one really big one that Atsushi had to touch because it was so big compared to the other ones he'd caught. Atsushi congratulated him on his catch and let the fish go with a grin.

"Uh, can I ask you something?" Atsushi asked after a while.

"Sure, what's that?" Kunikida replied, casting his line once again.

"You see, I was just wondering, is it okay to like wearing the stuff that Norm liked me to wear?"

Kunikida turned toward him and frowned. "You mean the women's clothes?"

Atsushi nodded slowly. "Yeah, I mean, I miss wearing the pretty clothes. I just don't know if that's okay or not."

"Well," Kunikida said slowly. "I'd say there's nothing wrong with wearing that kind of clothes if you like it. I mean, I'm not the best one to ask. The only time I ever came close to cross-dressing was when I played Yentl in high school for 'Fiddler on the Roof'." He paused and smiled at him. "It was fun, though."

Atsushi sighed and nodded. "I remember that show. They would put movies and stuff on sometimes to keep us occupied at the orphanage."

They lapsed into silence again and Atsushi couldn't stop thinking about it. He did miss wearing the clothes. And as scared as he was of Norm, he still missed him at the same time. He wondered what it would be like to just feel something for someone without feeling afraid. For so long, his feelings of love and admiration were marred by the horrible fear he felt at the same time.

"You know, it's okay to be confused about this stuff. You went through a lot, you know," Kunikida said after a little while.

"How do I know what I really want and what was just what Norm wanted me to want?" he asked, almost feeling tears at the thought. "What if everything I think I want is just because that's what I've been told I want, and none of it is real? What do I even do about it?"

"I know it's hard, but you have to find yourself first. Then you'll be able to make choices that are based on who you really are, and not what Norm did to you," Kunikida explained.

Atsushi looked out across the lake and wondered how long that would take. He had to separate what he was feeling from what he was told to feel. He knew what he thought he felt, but he had to be sure it was him and not some need to satisfy the person he saw as his "owner" in the place of Norm. He was growing quite attached to Dazai, and in a completely different way from the way he felt about Kunikida, Ranpo, and Yosano. But what if it was just because he'd saved him? What if it was just a reaction to being without Norm? He couldn't be sure, and he fretted over it endlessly lately.

Was he even capable of knowing what love was anymore?

-oooooo-OOOOOO-oooooo-

After Atsushi left, Dazai was left feeling a little off, but he decided he couldn't let it bother him. He played his hands, doing well as usual, coming in top this time with Akutagawa being second to him. He knew the other man wasn't happy with that, but he would have to live with it.

As he was getting ready to leave, a young man came up to him.

"Osamu Dazai?" he asked.

"Yes?" he said, looking him over. He looked really young, maybe early twenties.

"I'm Jun'ichirō Tanizaki. I'm interviewing the top winners in today's tournament. You and Ryūnosuke Akutagawa took the top two slots and I wanted to talk to you before you left," he said, and pulled out a notepad to jot down notes. "I run a rather popular gambling blog."

"Okay, I've got a few minutes. What do you want to know?" Dazai asked.

Tanizaki spent the next few minutes asking Dazai several questions about how he felt during the tournament and how he ended up coming out on top. There were several questions about his play style and where he picked it up. After he seemed to be done, he put away the notepad and looked at Dazai very seriously.

"Um, so, off the record, have you come across a player named Francis Scott Fitzgerald yet?" Tanizaki asked, eyes narrowing.

Dazai shook his head. "No, I'm afraid I haven't. Is he good?"

"Incredible, really. But, see, the thing is, he's known for doing things that are a little…outside the law."

"Outside the law?" Dazai asked, frowning.

"Yeah, to weaken prospective opponents he considers a threat, he's been rumored to kidnap their family and hold them so he can win the tournament he's in against them," Tanizaki said with a nod.

"That seems a bit extreme, for a poker game," Dazai said, eyes slightly widened.

"Yeah, well, I'd keep an eye out if you come up against him," Tanizaki said.

"Well, I don't have any family, so I doubt I'd have much to worry about," Dazai said with a dismissive wave of his hand.

Tanizaki looked over his shoulder. "I'll be going. I want to catch Ryūnosuke Akutagawa before he leaves. Since he was second, he should probably be warned too. Thank you for your time!"

He headed over where Akutagawa was standing with his entourage. Dazai watched for a minute, and to his surprise, Akutagawa agreed to talk to Tanizaki. Maybe he was maturing after all, he thought as he shoved both hands in his pockets and went to meet up with Yosano and Ranpo.


End file.
